The Dinner Party From Hell

I can't ever give nice parties. I don't know why. My friend Sarah told me I have the worst luck of anyone she's ever known when it comes to food (that I didn't cook myself) because at least once a week, if we go out to eat, I end up with food poisoning. Last week we went to Denver Days (it's like a carnival that you would find at home in the Wal-Mart parking lot) and I ordered a "Chicken Spiedie" sandwich. The "chicken was gray and had the strangest consistency, it was also sour and gamey -- like it had been left to sit out in the sun for a week. Anyhow, we're all convinced that it was not, in fact, chicken. Whatever unfortunate animal made it to my sandwich, I'm convinced it had more than two legs. A LOT more.

But that's not the point of this blog. The point is that my luck with parties is on par to my luck with strange foods at questionable establishments. Last night, we had some friends over because I figured, hey, we want to hang out, and I'll cook! Plus it's getting a little chilly at night, so it might be more fun to stay in and watch a movie on the 82" flat screen, right? And what could possibly go wrong?

What could possibly go wrong, indeed. Those are famous last words, right? Kinda up there with "hey y'all watch this!" and "look, ma, no hands!" I believe.

By 8am, we'd noticed a disturbing trend in the kitchen. The disposal unit would hum right along, but didn't actually dispose of anything. Future Marine helped out by doing some dishes, bless his helpful little heart, which only somehow managed to back the sink up full of standing water. Gross, food-y, gray water that smelled like rotting...well it smelled like the Chicken Spiedie, actually. Which was probably a bad sign.

9am - emergency plumber called. Promised to be out between noon and 2pm. (I figured we had plenty of time. The beef stew was in the crock pot, and our friends weren't coming till 7.)

10am - Big E goes after the sink water with a plunger. THE SAME PLUNGER HE USES IN THE BATHROOMS. (At this point, I had to walk away or I was going to start gagging.)

11am - I notice a disturbing new trend, there appears to be water leaking slowly out the disposal, down the pipes, into the wooden cabinets, and out onto my kitchen floor. Even WORSE, I was going to make caramel apple cake and I was out of fresh cream (to make the caramel) so I needed to go to the store to get groceries. Worse than THAT, I couldn't use the sinks because of the leak issue, and the breakfast dishes were piling up.

Noon - no plumber
1pm - no plumber, but the leak was getting worse
2pm - no plumber, we called the company and they said he was "stuck on a job and had no idea when he would be there."
3pm - we go to the store to get some cream and a few other items.
3:45pm - we pull into the driveway same time as the plumber. He looks at the sink. From 4 feet away (I kid you not!) and says "disposal's clogged. It's $213 to unclog it."
3:47pm - we told the plumber to go take a long walk off a short pier and call another plumber

5:00pm, I reset the disposal unit to no avail. Looks like it was blown to heck and we'd need another one. Yay! I can only imagine the cost.

5:30pm - new plumber arrives and confirms my suspicions. But he can get a new heavy duty (1/2 hp!) disposal in by 7pm, AND clean up the flood for us, AND warranty the unit. $440 out the door. What could I do?

6:45pm - new plumber leaves and I rush to get a load of dishes done.

7pm - our friends arrive and we eat out of tupperware bowls because all the dishes are currently going in the dishwasher. Bless their hearts, they not only ate beef stew out of tupperware on the sofa, but sat though THE ROOM and DEAD ALIVE afterwards. And they're STILL on speaking terms with us!

Ladies and gentlemen, THAT'S friendship.

Also next time we'll let them pick the movies, and just order a pizza or something. :)